This is a rush transcript from "Glenn Beck," April 19, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GLENN BECK, HOST: Welcome to "The Glenn Beck Program."
I'm going to start tonight by thanking heaven for the New York State Health Department. It's not often say something like, you know, kind about a massive, bloated government state agency filled with mindless bureaucrats who do nothing but bankrupt the state by bogging it down with needless red tape. But this time, they've outdone themselves. They have quite possibly saved each and every child in the state of New York from severe injury and possibly death.
Well, how did they do it? After hours, I'm sure, of painstaking expensive research conducted by the top minds in the country, state officials have identified and listed risky activities for kids at summer camp. It's an amazing list because I never had any idea that some of these activities could pose a severe risk to children.
Here's the list -- freeze tag, whiffle ball, kickball, capture the flag, red rover, red rover, send someone right over -- and, of course, dodgeball.
Yes! If I hadn't have been thinking fast, I could have been hurt, maybe even killed on live television. Thank Jesus that the state of New York is looking out for you and your children.
All they mandate in return is that any group doing at least two of these activities, they'll try to put this in your head. It's a summer camp for the love of Pete. Imagine your kids are gone for a week and they would play, let's say, freeze tag, and whiffle ball. Oh, you can't have that. Not in the state of New York. No! No, dammit. No, man!
If you want to play dodgeball and kickball, you'll have to register and pay $200 fee to the state to register the state-approved summer camp. So, the next time your friends start dumping on American politicians for crippling America with a mountain of red tape and just nothing but debt, remind them -- danger: kids should never have any boo-boos is not good enough. Danger: kids will never have any boo-boos.
The government is doing the right thing -- saving little children from a deadly rash of violent freeze tag accidents sweeping the nation, as we speak.
Thank you, New York. Thank you.
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