The World According to Carl Ray Louk: Glenn Beck's Final Exam Published June 17, 2011

Published June 17, 2011 | Glenn Beck | Glenn Beck

Special Guests: Greg Gutfeld

This is a rush transcript from "Glenn Beck," June 17, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

GLENN BECK, HOST: Yes. Hello, America.

They're very excited. Hard to get tickets to this show.

(LAUGHTER)

BECK: Tonight is very special night. It's our first ever quiz show and it will be our last ever quiz show on this program. We're calling it "The Final Exam."

We're going to put some of our ultimate viewers, how many people have watched every single episode of this? Wow!

Lee, what the hell is wrong with you? I mean, really, what is going on?

Yes, you're busy? Yes, I make time for it every day, pal. Yes, whatever. Whatever. We're not talking to Lee.

We're putting -- we're putting the audience to the test to see how much they have learned from watching the show over the last two-and-a-half years. Now, we invite you to play along. We actually have some questions just for you during the hour.

And I'm actually going to be put to the test as well. My staff has not told me a word about this show. I have no idea what the questions are.

I barely -- as the audience will testify -- I barely can figure out how to button worked and there is only one to buzz in. So, it's not going to go well for me.

We brought in a special -- I was going to say co-host but he is really the host tonight, Greg Gutfeld. He hosts "RED EYE" on FOX News at 3:00 a.m. Eastern.

I think it's noon Pacific or something.

GREG GUTFELD, "RED EYE" HOST: Eight in Jakarta.

BECK: Good.

Anyway, so he is going to -- he is going to take the show here. But I do want to go over some of the answers or some of the questions that you might have seen in the promo that we've aired when we asked you to write in for tickets. And these are really easy.

Spooky dude. Who is that?

AUDIENCE: George Soros.

BECK: If you don't know who George -- if you don't know who spooky dude is, what are you doing?

Who do I hate?

AUDIENCE: Woodrow Wilson.

BECK: Who do I love?

AUDIENCE: George Washington.

BECK: George Washington. Oh, OK. I thought it was Van Jones or Tanya. Tanya would have been good.

GUTFELD: I thought you loved me.

BECK: I really don't even know who you are.

GUTFELD: Show me.

(LAUGHTER)

BECK: All right. So Greg is here. And he's going to -- he's going to take the show.

And where do we start?

GUTFELD: Well, I just want to point out when you use this buzzer, when you hit the buzzer, you actually shock a liberal.

(APPLAUSE)

GUTFELD: We have them outside in a tank. Just wanted to set that up.

The first questions are going to be for the audience. The audience is separated into three parts -- faith, hope and charity.

The first question, the --

BECK: Wait, I've already buzzed in.

GUTFELD: There you go.

BECK: Thank you.

GUTFELD: You're already ruining this. This is why --

BECK: I'll use it. I'll use it. I'll push it. I'm just practicing.

If I ever run for president, it will be great. I'll use it!

(APPLAUSE)

GUTFELD: You know, when you press it, all you get is free ice cream.

Yes, you just get free ice cream.

All right. OK. The first category is name that czar. So you guys have to, you know, raise your hand, do whatever is diplomatic.

This Obama czar considered putting sterilant in our drinking water.

BECK: Bu it would be John in team faith was the first one.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: John Holdren.

GUTFELD: There you go. A liberal just got shocked.

BECK: Hang on just a second. Is somebody keeping score or is this kind of --

GUTFELD: Yes, we have an intern. What happened to the intern?

BECK: What kind of crappy show is this?

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: What are you going to do in 11 shows young lady? I have some yard work. All right. I'm kidding.

(LAUGHTER)

BECK: You don't have yard.

GUTFELD: I don't have a yard. I live in New York. I don't even have a bed. I sleep under a tarp.

All right. Second under name that czar. The Obama czar wanted to put a ban on conspiracy theories. Which one was it?

BECK: I'm going to -- I think it was a tie honestly.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. We should point out you shouldn't yell it out until Glenn rings the bell, right? Because then we'll take you and we'll throw you out, into the street.

BECK: And you'll live in the tarp.

GUTFELD: With me.

BECK: With Greg.

GUTFELD: Which is actually a lot of fun. We're under an overpass. I know how to cook over a garbage can.

OK. Third question from name the czar. This Obama czar kind of agrees with Mao that political power comes at the barrel --

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Ron Bloom.

BECK: Bill?

GUTFELD: Nice, nice.

BECK: Ron Bloom. Wow!

(CROSSTALK)

BECK: This is a guy who went to like he was like living in his car for a while and he went to G.M., right? The only time he spent at a car manufacturing plant he spent the night in his car at a G.M.? Is it Ron?

GUTFELD: That's a learning experience.

BECK: It is.

GUTFELD: It is.

BECK: You know he can design the seat so they can recline al the way back. He knows those things.

GUTFELD: I only sleep in other people's cars. Anyway way. Next question. You ready?

BECK: hold on a second. Hang on a second. I was being told --

(INAUDIBLE)

BECK: Did anybody have Brian Deese? No. Should have kept your mouth shut. We looked like geniuses a few minutes ago, Tiffany. All right.

GUTFELD: Let's go. Next question, name that czar. This Obama czar believes white people need to step down so someone else can have power?

BECK: Yes?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Mark Lloyd.

BECK: Mark Lloyd.

GUTFELD: The answer is Mark Lloyd. See how I did that? I'm learning. Took me a while. I'm slow.

BECK: If somebody gets it wrong, can you say it like Alex Trebek -- ohh, sorry. Sorry.

GUTFELD: Very disappointed. I hate it when he shaved his mustache.

Not the same. All right, next question.

BECK: Too much information about Greg.

GUTFELD: Not enough, I'm afraid.

Name that czar. Next question. This czar was appointed by Glenn to counter one of Obama's ridiculous czars.

BECK: I have no idea.

You in the very back?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Brian Sack?

BECK: Go over here.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Office of Misinformation, Stu Burguiere.

GUTFELD: Close.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Linda Douglas.

GUTFELD: Should I give it to him? Disinformation? Stu?

BECK: Oh, yes, yes.

GUTFELD: I give it to him.

BECK: To be that close, yes!

GUTFELD: Well, he said --

BECK: We would -- we would have called him Scott. I would have given it to you.

GUTFELD: He watches every one of your show. He's got to know everything. You're a disgrace.

Last one --

BECK: By the way, Stu looks good in that one.

GUTFELD: I have to look over there. I forgot it was going on.

All right. Name the czar, final question. What was the name of the disinformation czar that Stu was mocking?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Anita Dunn.

BECK: No. Not Anita Dunn.

Yes, John?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Linda Douglas.

BECK: Linda Douglas?

GUTFELD: He is correct but you didn't hit your little buzzer. So -- there we go. Yes, Linda Douglas is correct.

BECK: I didn't remember that at all.

GUTFELD: Way to screw it up.

BECK: But she looks just like Stu, doesn't she?

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

BECK: My staff told me -- my staff told me we have produced more material on that program than a lot of shows produce in several years. My staff told me, they said I bet you have forgotten half of the stuff that we produced. I would have never have remembered her name.

GUTFELD: It's amazing. But we have to move on, Glenn. You can share your thoughts later after the show. But we're on TV.

BECK: OK.

GUTFELD: OK? When I take over the 5:00 p.m., things are going to be different.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: All right. The next category is finish that sound bite. You shouldn't laugh that hard about that.

Audience participation again. So, you've got to finish the quote. So Obama said this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Under my plan --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Right here. First one up.

AUDIENCE: Energy prices will necessarily skyrocket.

GUTFELD: Close. I'll give it to him. Electricity rates would necessarily skyrocket. That's close.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

OBAMA: Electricity rates would necessarily skyrocket.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Yes.

GUTFELD: There you go.

BECK: Who has gotten their bill lately?

(LAUGHTER)

BECK: It's happening!

GUTFELD: That's why you got to squat. I just live in other people's homes. I don't pay any bills.

All right. Second. Maxine Waters -- here's what she said. Complete it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. MAXINE WATERS (D), CALIFORNIA: And guess what this liberal will be all about?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: I love this. Right here.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: About socializing companies?

BECK: Janet over here.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Taking over.

BECK: OK.

AUDIENCE: Not take over -- uh, uh.

(BUZZER)

GUTFELD: I just have to, I have to do that.

BECK: Had to buzz.

GUTFELD: It could have gone on for hours. We don't know.

(LAUGHTER)

BECK: Do we have -- go ahead, Lee. All of a sudden, you're paying attention.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Nationalizing, taking over.

BECK: I think we tried one.

GUTFELD: We got to just let her --

BECK: Here it is. Here it is. This is a great one.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WATERS: And guess what this liberal will be all about? This liberal will be all about socializing, uh, uh --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Uh-oh!

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WATERS: -- this would be about --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Yes? Oh, boy. Look at her and laugh.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WATERS: -- basically, taking over and the government running all of your companies.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: And she is, too. There is it is.

Nobody better. Nobody better.

GUTFELD: A national treasure. OK.

Van Jones. Go for it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

VAN JONES, FORMER OBAMA GREEN JOBS CZAR: No more broken treaty.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Yes! Right in the center.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: The wealth.

BECK: What?

GUTFELD: No.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Give them the wealth.

GUTFELD: Close. I give it to him.

BECK: Give it to him. Yes. Give them the wealth. Give them the wealth.

GUTFELD: You want to play it?

BECK: Yes.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JONES: No more broken treaties. Give them the wealth. Give them the wealth. Give them the dignity.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Yes! Let's hear it for Van Jones!

(APPLAUSE)

BECK: He has, he truly has -- he really has provided so many sleepless nights for so many. And we thank him for that.

GUTFELD: That could be taken lot of ways, Glenn. I won't get into it here.

Let's do another sound bite, shall we? This is from Andy Stern.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANDY STERN, SEIU: We're trying to use the power of persuasion. If that doesn't work --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Jim?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: We're going to use the persuasion of power.

BECK: Yes!

(APPLAUSE)

BECK: Right!

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

STERN: We're trying to use the power of persuasion. If that doesn't work, we're going to use the persuasion of power.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: All right. So, the next category is can you name -- this is going to be viewer on viewer. It sounds kinky but it's not. The viewer --

BECK: It's not 3:00 a.m.

GUTFELD: I keep forgetting. I need -- this is why I'm going nowhere.

I'm not going anywhere.

BECK: The people on the second floor are like, well, we know why he's at 3:00 a.m.

GUTFELD: I need Louie and Dee (ph).

(APPLAUSE)

BECK: Can we find out a little bit, something about them.

GUTFELD: Would you like to know nothing somebody them?

BECK: I would.

GUTFELD: Dee, tell us something.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: Well, I'm from Philadelphia.

BECK: Sorry for that.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: I'm a wife, a mom.

BECK: Good.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: I was an attorney in a former life.

BECK: Sorry for that, too.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: Me, too. But you know what? You know what happened? I became disabled, because I thought I could be a wife and a mom and a Philadelphia lawyer and do it all.

BECK: Right.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: And God just said, you know what? No, you can't.

BECK: So, you got rid of the kids and you're still a lawyer?

FEMALE CONTESTANT: No. No.

(LAUGHTER)

FEMALE CONTESTANT: No, I don't. In fact, I had a new baby.

BECK: Nobody is going to do that.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: Anyway --

BECK: Well, good. I'm glad you're here.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: Thank you.

BECK: And you've watched every episode?

FEMALE CONTESTANT: Every one.

BECK: Every single one.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: Well, let me say this -- every one that you've done. I don't always watch when the judge --

BECK: That's not right.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: I do -- I mean, I try to watch all of those.

BECK: All right.

GUTFELD: We got to stop her now. The judge is going to break down.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: I watch most of those. But I watched all of yours.

GUTFELD: All right. Louie, where are you from? What are you doing here?

MALE CONTESTANT: I'm from New York. I'm senior from Kerry High School. I'll be going to American University in the fall.

GUTFELD: Nice. Fan of "RED EYE," aren't you? Big fan of "RED EYE."

My people. These are my people. Not your people, Glenn.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: I'm fan of "RED EYE," too.

GUTFELD: You are, too?

FEMALE CONTESTANT: I have you in my cell phone.

GUTFELD: We won't talk about that.

(LAUGHTER)

FEMALE CONTESTANT: Only because you advertise.

GUTFELD: My wife doesn't need to know this.

BECK: Anthony Weiner, nice to see you.

(LAUGHTER)

BECK: OK. Let's go.

GUTFELD: All right. The category is can you name -- the only person to call Glenn's red phone.

All right, Louie, what is it?

MALE CONTESTANT: Well, a viewer who called in and saw the number on the back of the phone.

GUTFELD: That is correct. Well done.

BECK: Yes.

GUTFELD: He saw the phone and he called you in a break, didn't he?

BECK: He scared the living crap out of me. Because we were on -- I thought, Harry, because, Harry, when we plug it in, Harry used to call it.

Where is Harry? He used to call it before the show.

And so, it rang in a commercial break, I said to Harry, that's you, right, Harry? He looked at me and went, "That ain't me."

GUTFELD: It's coming from inside the house, as they used to say. You got to be happy. My viewers when they call in, it's just death threats.

That's all I get.

All right. The next one, can you name the technical indicator --

BECK: You got to reset this.

GUTFELD: All right. All right.

BECK: You were on "Jeopardy," weren't you?

GUTFELD: He's in "Jeopardy" now.

BECK: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right. Can you name the technical indicator that Glenn mentioned of impending stock market crashes?

MALE CONTESTANT: The Hindenburg Omen.

GUTFELD: Nicely done.

BECK: Holy cow! Yes!

(APPLAUSE)

BECK: I wish we had a prize for something for you guys.

GUTFELD: You know, this is the cheapest game show ever. No prizes.

You actually have to pay to play.

BECK: The rich gets richer.

GUTFELD: Doesn't the Hindenburg Omen sounds like an outback appetizer? Shouldn't it be?

All right. That didn't work.

All right. Can you name the Weather Underground 1960's Manifesto --

FEMALE CONTESTANT: Oh!

BECK: Dee? Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: I thought you were going to say author.

GUTFELD: No. The name of the manifesto, Dee. You see what happens when you jump in too quick?

FEMALE CONTESTANT: I jumped in too quick. Lifeline? Can I get a lifeline here?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: You don't always need a weatherman to know which way the wind is blowing.

GUTFELD: I'll give him that.

BECK: That's not quite right, is it? It is.

GUTFELD: There you go.

All right. Next one, can you name the author or authors, little hint, of "The Coming Insurrection.

Go, Dee.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: The Invisible Committee.

GUTFELD: Well done. I like that.

(APPLAUSE)

BECK: Remember, when we all hoped I was crazy on that one? Those were the days. Good times!

GUTFELD: Don't you ever wish you were invisible? It's just a question, Glenn.

BECK: No.

GUTFELD: You are the only man who doesn't wish you were invisible.

BECK: I think you just have way too much time on your hands, Greg.

GUTFELD: I don't have enough time on my hands. I'm here.

All right. Can you name -- I'm kidding. Love you, Glenn.

The evil progressive hero -- can you name the evil progressive hero Hillary Clinton says she admires enormously?

BECK: Say it again. Oh, I know this one. Come on!

GUTFELD: Dee?

FEMALE CONTESTANT: It's got to be Soros.

MALE CONTESTANT: Either Wilson or T.R.

GUTFELD: No.

BECK: Lee!

(CROSSTALK)

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Margaret Sanger!

BECK: Where? Who said that? Margaret Sanger. Yes!

(APPLAUSE)

GUTFELD: The only time you will hear her name followed by applause.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: Everybody's dead.

FEMALE CONTESTANT: You know what? Hillary liked all of them. She likes all of them.

BECK: Don't try to explain it. Really. You can't negotiate your way out.

GUTFELD: All right. Last one under can you name. Can you name the SEIU member who the show caught plotting to collapse the U.S. stock market?

MALE CONTESTANT: Andy Stern?

BECK: No.

But (INAUDIBLE) been called Andrew on this program. Come one!

FEMALE CONTESTANT: Michael.

GUTFELD: Quickly.

BECK: Come on, come on, come on!

FEMALE CONTESTANT: Steven Lerner.

GUTFELD: Correct. But I saw a little cheating there.

BECK: I did, too.

We'll be back in just a second.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(APPLAUSE)

GUTFELD: "The Beck's Final Exam." I'm Greg Gutfeld, co-hosting with Glenn today, who's taking part in a quiz show, along with some of his loyal viewers.

BECK: That's me. All about quiz shows.

GUTFELD: You certainly are. You spend the morning just in front of the TV with your homemade shawl.

BECK: That's what I do. I keep the room uncomfortably hot.

GUTFELD: And you soak your feet in Ovaltine.

BECK: Well, not every day.

GUTFELD: Yes, weird.

OK. This next category animals and edibles. The audience is playing.

What type of birds did Glenn once have on the show to get the White House's attention?

BECK: Evan?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Dove.

BECK: Carrier pigeons.

GUTFELD: Yes, same thing.

BECK: I think that's really -- dove, pigeon, what difference does it make?

GUTFELD: Either way, they taste great.

All right. Next one. Animals and edibles. Which guest brought his own jar of peanut M&M's and ate them in the satellite interview --

BECK: Don?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Chuck Norris.

GUTFELD: Very good.

BECK: Chuck Norris, that's good.

(APPLAUSE)

GUTFELD: You know that he can -- he can make them melt by staring at them. Fun fact.

All right. Next one. Glenn delivered his own "State of the Union"

earlier this year with the help of a bunny rabbit and this power tool?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Chainsaw.

BECK: Chainsaw.

GUTFELD: It is a chainsaw. Interesting, Glenn. I'm not going to say you have problems.

All right.

BECK: That bunny was delicious.

GUTFELD: Yes.

Animals and edibles -- again in September of 2010, Glenn wore an apron that said, "I'm a baker, not a blank," and used what dessert in the food display?

BECK: Cherry pie.

GUTFELD: Half right.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Pie?

BECK: What did it say? I'm a baker.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Time is running out.

BECK: I don't even remember this episode.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: All right. I'm just going to end it now. I'm a baker, not a divider. And a generic pie was used.

Why do you hate pie?

BECK: I don't.

GUTFELD: You're a pie-hater.

BECK: I love pie. It's all coming back to me now. I remember that shelf with all the pies underneath. Hmm. That was a good episode.

GUTFELD: People who hate pie, hate America, Glenn.

OK. What was, finally, for animals and edibles. What is the name of the dead sticky fish Glenn used on the show to expose --

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Larry.

BECK: Hello, Larry.

GUTFELD: Good!

(APPLAUSE)

BECK: Yes.

GUTFELD: Hello, Larry.

BECK: Hello, America.

GUTFELD: Your staff must love you, by the way. Who do you force to get this stuff for you?

BECK: At this point in the show, in the first couple of, in the first year-and-a-half, the people on the show were, they'd come in and they'd be like what do I have to find today? My favorite is the only way you can do a show like this is to do it in New York. My favorite is when I ask -- when I asked somebody at about 3:30. I need, quote, "I need lederhosen.

Quick."

GUTFELD: You act like that's not the first time.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: We could listen to this story forever or we could play the game.

BECK: Let's play the game.

GUTFELD: OK. Socialist we are. It's a new segment. Again, it's the audience.

These socialist sweethearts met in the Big Apple and used their sparks to spark a class rebellion.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn.

BECK: What?

(INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: There you go. We've got.

BECK: What did you say? Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn. Yes, you're right. You're right they're so sweet.

GUTFELD: All right.

BECK: Oh, look at them, they are sweet.

GUTFEDL: They really are.

All right. This radical relationship ignited in the '60s and turned explicit.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn.

BECK: Yes.

GUTFELD: You think you could telegraph it more. Hate to live near them. Terrible people.

All right. He's a convicted felon who conceived of Obamacare in jail, she's a socialist lawmaker.

BECK: John?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Robert Creamer and Jan Schakowsky.

BECK: Wow!

GUTFELD: Nicely done!

(APPLAUSE)

GUTFELD: See? Jail is good for some people. It really is.

BECK: Obama.

GUTFELD: Yes, three meals. Roommate.

BECK: Yes.

GUTFELD: He thinks this guy, thinks animals should be able to sue you. She's anti-Israel advisor to Obama and could be the next secretary of state.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Cass Sunstein and Susan -- Samantha Powers.

GUTFELD: Nicely done.

(APPPLAUSE)

BECK: I mean, if you weren't watching this show, do you think you would know any of this stuff?

GUTFELD: Animals could sue, you would be in big trouble.

BECK: And he's trying to make that happen.

GUTFELD: What kind of lawyer would you get? I don't know. Scales of justice.

All right. Socialist sweetheart, last one. Terrible pun. Glenn couldn't get her to call him because she was too hung up on him, a hot shot lawyer in the White House.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Anita Dunn and Greg Craig.

GUTFELD: Half. You get half a point. First part is right.

BECK: The second part?

Yes?

GUTFELD: I got to do that, it was Anita Dunn and Bob Bauer.

BECK: I don't ever remember him. I'm going to go with Mao. Every time I'm going with Mao. Mao. Mao.

GUTFELD: Mao is the answer to everything.

BECK: It really is. Isn't that weird?

GUTFELD: Yes.

All right. We got to take a break. Up next, more of Glenn answering questions that he should know.

BECK: Oh, no, that's not going to be good.

GUTFELD: Embarrassing. You're embarrassing.

BECK: I know.

(APPLAUSE)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(NEWSBREAK)

GUTFELD: All right. We're back with Beck's final exam. We're going to have Glenn face off with one of the ultimate viewers. His name is Chris (ph). Chris, where are you from?

CHRIS: Hawaii.

GUTFELD: Hawaii? That's a country, right? You didn't find that funny, did you? It's a great state. What do you do in Hawaii?

CHRIS: Well, I came from Texas originally, in Hawaii now.

GUTFELD: OK. All right. Don't need --

CHRIS: Which is the better state.

GUTFELD: -- the better state, yes. I don't need to know the whole story.

All right. You guys are going to -- you're going to face off on the category is "spooky stuff." Wow.

BECK: It's about George Soros.

(LAUGHTER)

BECK: Put it up on the board. I got one.

GUTFELD: You got to hear the question. It's no fun. I'd hate to play Trivia Pursuit with you. OK. George Soros is known as a philanthropist. What else does he do in his spare time? A, foment revolution; B, collapse -- you got to let me finish, young man.

(BUZZ)

BECK: Yeah. Don't push your button early .

GUTFELD: B, collapse currencies; C -- corrupt elections; D, all of the above. Yes.

(BUZZ)

CHRIS: Finish.

BECK: He did.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BECK: I'd say all of the above, please.

(DING, DING)

GUTFELD: They did leave out shaping his eyebrows into cute birds.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: But everybody knows that. OK. Next question. Who did Soros learn his concept of open societies from and what -- at which Fabian socialist school did he learn --

(BUZZ)

GUTFELD: Yes, Glenn.

BECK: London School of Economics.

GUTFELD: And who did he learn it from?

BECK: A professor.

(LAUGHTER)

BECK: Who's name is no longer important because he's dead.

CHRIS: There you go.

BECK: I have no idea.

GUTFELD: Well, I don't -- Chris, go ahead.

CHRIS: George Bernard Shaw?

GUTFELD: No, not even close.

(BUZZ)

BECK: May I just say --

GUTFELD: Yes?

BECK: It's coming back to me.

GUTFELD: It sure is.

BECK: It is. It's Charles Popper.

GUTFELD: Close but --

BECK: It's Charles -- let me think again.

(LAUGHTER)

BECK: Shh, I'm trying to think. Think louder, Tiffany.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: Karl Popper.

BECK: Yes.

GUTFELD: Karl Popper. All right. We got to move ahead. What's the name of the fund George Soros used to attack currencies across the globe?

BECK: I know this one, I'm just --

(BUZZ)

GUTFELD: There you go. What? Glenn?

BECK: Open society institute.

(BUZZ)

BECK: Chris, why would you say that? That was a stupid answer.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: Chris, you're clearly -- you know, you're not up for this.

He's killing you.

BECK: Thanks, Greg. Thanks.

CHRIS: I'm getting ambushed on two sides here.

BECK: That's the way we work.

CHRIS: (INAUDIBLE) team, right?

BECK: No, I don't. Who does? Who knows?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Quantum Fund.

BECK: Quantum Fund.

GUTFELD: There you go. See, I would have said green peas.

BECK: Yes. Quantum.

GUTFELD: All right. Great question. What's the name of the global language Soros's father helped devise?

(BUZZ)

BECK: Esperanto.

CHRIS: You got to be kidding me.

GUTFELD: You people are pathetic. All this cheating going on. By the way --

BECK: No, we're not cheating.

GUTFELD: Did anybody ever learn that language? It's like teaching humans to bark. Did you ever see (INAUDIBLE)? No one ever learned it.

It's a shame really. All right.

CHRIS: That was German dogs, right? Nazi German dogs.

GUTFELD: I would know, Chris. Where are you going with that?

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: Now, you've officially frightened me. All right. After shorting -- shorting the British pound in 1992, Soros became known in the U.K. as --

(BUZZ)

CHRIS: The destroyer of British currency.

GUTFELD: I'd give him that.

(DING DING)

BECK: I wouldn't give him that.

GUTFELD: Almost. No. It's the man --

BECK: The man who broke the British --

CHRIS: The British economy. That's it.

BECK: Sterling -- the Bank of England, that's what it was.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: All right. That's it. Chris, back to your sit. Glenn, you're not playing in this. This next category is called "Guess Impersonations." The audience has to guess who Glenn is pretending to be.

BECK: Oh, boy. This could be ugly.

GUTFELD: If you don't know an answer, just say Kathy Griffin because it's probably her. All right. First one -- first impersonation, can we show the clip?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: (INAUDIBLE) intellectual dribble. That's rich. That is rich.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Bill.

BILL: (INAUDIBLE).

BECK: No. In the back in the blue.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: College professor.

BECK: No. Liz?

LIZ: Keith Olbermann.

BECK: No. Let me go -- let me go here to Larry. Larry?

LARRY: Joe Klein.

BECK: Joe Klein.

(DING DING)

BECK: Yes, yes. Joe Klein. Where is my pipe? It's here some place.

Yes? I love Joe. Hello, Joe. Miss me.

GUTFELD: Glenn, do you ever check to see if that's been cleaned before you put it in your mouth?

BECK: No.

GUTFELD: That's been in that desk for about three months.

BECK: Yes. George Soros has been here.

GUTFELD: All right. Next one, roll the clip.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(CRYING)

BECK: I wonder why I don't have any ratings. Maybe because you're not covering anything that anybody wants to watch. Maybe because you're talking about Lindsay Lohan --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: That's good. Who was it? Yes, Lisa.

LISA: (INAUDIBLE)

BECK: Lindsay Lohan.

GUTFELD: That's correct.

(APPLAUSE)

GUTFELD: God bless her. She's doing so well now.

BECK: She is. I just love her.

GUTFELD: I love her too.

BECK: I'm worried about her.

GUTFELD: I'm worry. We talk a lot on the phone.

BECK: Really.

GUTFELD: No. Next impersonation, please.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: I just want to say --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Joseph?

JOSEPH: George Soros.

BECK: That's so easy.

GUTFELD: I thought it was Gwyneth Paltrow. All right. I hate her.

OK. Here's the next one. Let's go.

(VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Peter?

PETER: Nancy Pelosi.

(DING DING)

(APPLAUSE)

GUTFELD: Your dedication -- you actually went and got Botox for the role.

BECK: Oh, I did. It was --

GUTFELD: Impressive.

BECK: I studied her for a very long time.

GUTFELD: Yes, you did. All right. Last one, take it away.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Just in case you've been watching all week and you haven't been frightened yet, oh, you will be. You will be.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Let me -- is it Bill?

BILL: Yoda.

BECK: Yoda.

(DING DING)

GUTFELD: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

BECK: That one -- the media had no idea who that was.

GUTFELD: I would never have gotten that. Never would have --

BECK: Come on.

GUTFELD: I don't get out much. And I only own shortie robes -- no long robes. All right. We got to take a break. When we come back, more questions with the audience and with Glenn. You don't want to miss this.

It's great.

BECK: Final round?

GUTFELD: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

TEXT: Which guest has appeared more times than any other on "The Glenn Beck Program?" Answer: David Buckner - 35 appearances.

BECK: He's also the only guest that ever passed out on the program.

GUTFELD: I remember that. That was amazing.

BECK: Yes, it was.

GUTFELD: Amazing. I thought -- I mean, I thought that would happen to me sometime and I was just happy to see it happen to somebody else.

BECK: It looked real, didn't it?

GUTFELD: It did. It really did. All right. Speaking of real, let's get to the business here. This next segment: Match the magnets. Do we have Greg in the audience?

BECK: Come on down.

(APPLAUSE)

GUTFELD: All right, Greg.

BECK: All right, Greg. Where are you from?

GREG: Brooklyn. I'm a grad student.

BECK: Brooklyn. Great. Grad student?

GREG: Yes, at the Cuny System actually.

BECK: Yes. Going well, huh?

GREG: Yes.

BECK: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right, you guys --

BECK: This isn't exactly the Witness Protection Program for you.

GUTFELD: You guys can get coffee later. We're having a game show.

All right.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: This is called Match the Magnets. See the guys over there, they're either founders or members of the groups on the right. You have 30 seconds to match the face with the organization and your time starts now.

BECK: This isn't going to go well for you.

GREG: I was thinking that when I saw everything.

GUTFELD: You got 20 seconds.

BECK: Yes, there you go.

GUTFELD: This is the longest 30 seconds ever. All right. OK.

You're done. Greg, you're done. I want you out of the building in 10 seconds.

(BUZZ)

GUTFELD: Glenn, I want you to do it.

BECK: I think I can -- I think I can do this. This pretty much goes on any of these, but this goes here, this goes here, this goes here, here, National (INAUDIBLE) of the Arts, and I think this actually goes --

GUTFELD: There you go. Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

GUTFELD: All right. They steal Greg's thunder. I was going to have to go into therapy because of you. All right. This next category of Van Jones's lightning round. This is just you all alone, Glenn.

BECK: Oh, boy.

GUTFELD: So you have to go to the podium.

BECK: OK.

GUTFELD: Take off your shirt. No, that's another -- that's another segment. Sorry about that. That's afterwards at the bar. OK. Name an organization founded or co-founded by Van Jones.

BECK: STORM.

GUTFELD: No. No, sorry.

(BUZZ)

GUTFELD: It should have been Ella Baker Center or Green For All.

BECK: What did you say, Tiffany?

TIFFANY: We'll accept STORM.

BECK: We'll accept STORM.

GUTFELD: Make me look like an idiot.

BECK: Am I wrong? STORM. Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

GUTFELD: Not on the cards, people. All right. This is called lightning round for a reason. We got to go fast. What does STORM stand for?

BECK: Society -- no, yes -- Stand Together for -- I don't know. I can only remember Revolutionary Movement.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Standing Together to Organize a Revolutionary Movement.

GUTFELD: I would say that's correct.

(APPLAUSE)

BECK: Yes.

GUTFELD: Why stand? Sit.

BECK: You're a revolution -- you got guns.

GUTFELD: Yes. Take your feet up, you know. It's silly. That's why they fail. All right. Next question -- what group hired Van Jones following his resignation as the Green Giant?

(BUZZ)

BECK: Center for American Progress.

(DING DING)

GUTFELD: Very good.

BECK: They all go there.

GUTFELD: They never have a real job.

BECK: No. They all go there.

GUTFELD: OK. Last question -- what university hired Jones as a visiting --

BECK: Princeton.

GUTFELD: Correct.

(DING DING)

GUTFELD: All right. Next one, quick. This is the next category:

"Can Glenn Pass the Exam?" All right. I'm going to show some pictures behind me. Which one is Wade and which one is Dale?

BECK: Oh, come on. That's impossible. That's impossible. This one is -- this one's Dale and that's Wade.

(BUZZ)

GUTFELD: Wrong.

BECK: Wrong?

GUTFELD: Yes.

BECK: I can never -- they both look like James (INAUDIBLE). I mean, how did we not know? These guys are like, no, no. It's like Dr. Evil.

GUTFELD: All right. Real quick -- I want to move on. They look like Tilda Swinton, that actress, remember her? All right. Name two guests who appeared on your first show.

BECK: Sarah Palin and -- I don't remember.

GUTFELD: Wow. Some of them even work here. Terrible. Come on.

Just throw out a name.

BECK: Bill O'Reilly.

GUTFELD: No.

(BUZZ)

GUTFELD: Karl Rove, Joel Osteen, the wives of border agents Ramos and Compean.

BECK: Oh, my gosh.

GUTFELD: And Ben Stein.

BECK: Oh, my gosh.

GUTFELD: Also Metallica. How did you people get that?

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: That was my favorite show. OK. Who were the only guests to pee on your desk and what were their names?

BUZZ: Turtles, Barney and Frank.

(DING DING)

GUTFELD: I think we have --

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: I'd like to introduce you to -- this one just peed. I'd like to introduce you to Barney and Frank. Here they are.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: Yes. And they really did pee a lot. There's a lot of pee in turtles.

GUTFELD: A lot of people are into that stuff, Glenn. I don't like to pass judgment. I don't like to pass judgment. Anyway, we got to take a break. When we come back, we've got more questions for Glenn and for the audience so stick around.

(APPLAUSE)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BECK: All right. Come on, Gutfeld, bring I on.

GUTFELD: All right, all right. Wait. This is for the audience.

BECK: Oh, this is for the audience.

GUTFELD: This is for the audience. You can't play. This is for the audience.

BECK: You don't want me to play.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Because you cheat. OK. This next category's called "That's Entertainment." A couple of questions. Glenn talked about taking the red pill over the blue pill to learn the truth. What movie did he get that from?

BECK: Yes?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: "The Matrix."

BECK: "The Matrix."

GUTFELD: "The Matrix," correct. I never saw that movie.

BECK: Really?

GUTFELD: No. Didn't care to. I like movies --

BECK: It's about an amusement park and it's Michael Jackson's house.

GUTFELD: Yes. I like movies with talking animals. Talking animals are fun. All right. What fictional TV hero has Glenn talked about on eight different programs?

BECK: Yes?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (INAUDIBLE).

BECK: Very good. Really? Wow.

GUTFELD: It's Jack Bauer from "24," right. I thought it would be Mrs. Garrett from "The Facts of Life."

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: All right. She's awesome. What movie made Glenn weep so much he had to be ushered out of his seat at the end?

BECK: "Schindler's List," yes.

(DING DING)

GUTFELD: Mine was "Sex in the City."

BECK: Really?

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: Go figure. Thought she was going to get married. All right. Who did Glenn liken to Mr. Potter of "It's a Wonderful Life?"

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: George Soros.

(DING DING)

GUTFELD: You could just say that to anything.

BECK: You can. That and Mao (ph).

GUTFELD: Yes. That and Mao (ph) never fails.

BECK: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right. What real U.S. town did Glenn liken to Bedford Falls?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Wilmington, Ohio.

(DING DING)

BECK: Yes.

GUTFELD: Very good. Sharp. All right. That's all we have for "That Entertainment." All right. We're going to go to a break.

BECK: It's only been two years.

GUTFELD: I know.

BECK: It hasn't been that much.

GUTFELD: Not a lot of shows.

BECK: Yes, I know. I know.

GUTFELD: All right. When we come back -- what are we doing?

BECK: I don't know. She's doing this sign that I've never seen before.

GUTFELD: I think --

BECK: Never done on my show -- has never done this.

GUTFELD: I think we have a few more questions.

BECK: Has never done this. Are you making pasta later? Is that what that is? Pasta. I'm a married man, Erin. No, no, thank you.

GUTFELD: I hope that was pasta. All right. Glenn's "Final Thoughts"

next.

(APPLAUSE)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BECK: We've been playing a game show all night in case you just tuned in. Maureen is here. You asked some questions here, quickly, Maureen.

MAUREEN: Will Hillary Clinton run for president?

BECK: I think she will. Nobody agrees with me, but I think she will and I think -- because I think things are going to come apart at the seams here soon for Obama. Josh?

JOSH: What are you going to miss the most about leaving Fox?

BECK: The power. No, no, no, there more to that sentence. The power of Fox. Fox is the most powerful name in news. Everybody -- everybody knows it. It is an amazing, amazing network. Janice?

JANICE: Why didn't we have a "Founders' Friday" show about Thomas Jefferson?

BECK: He didn't really do anything important really.

(LAUGHTER)

BECK: Yes?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What do we do from here and how should people get involved particularly like youth?

BECK: Youth?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes.

BECK: You stay in touch with me. Go to glennbeck.com. Phil?

PHIL: Do you think the Republicans will impose a social agenda if they win the president?

BECK: They're Republicans. Yes. That would be the worst thing they could do. Yes. See you again. From New York, good night.

Carl Ray Louk

"FRIENDSHIP NEVER ENDS" SG-1996
"LET LOVE LEAD THE WAY" SG-2000
"THE PHOENIX SHALL RISE" SD
"EVEN A MAN WHO IS PURE IN HEART AND SAYS HIS PRAYERS BY NIGHT, MAY BECOME A WOLF WHEN THE WOLFBANE BLOOMS AND THE AUTUMN MOON IS BRIGHT." LT-1941
"FLESH OF MY FLESH; BLOOD OF MY BLOOD; KIN OF MY KIN WHEN SAY COME TO YOU, YOU SHALL CROSS LAND OR SEA TO DO MY BIDDING!" CVTD-1895
"FROM HELL'S HEART I STAB AT THEE, FOR HATE SAKE I SPIT MY LAST BREATH AT THEE" CA-1895
"I HAVE BEEN, AND ALWAYS SHALL BE YOUR FRIEND" Spock
"TRICK OR TREAT, TRICK OR TREAT CANDY IS DANDY BUT MURDER, OH MURDER, IS SO SWEET" CRL-2003
"EYE OF NEWT, AND TOE OF FROG, WOOL OF BAT, AND TONGUE OF DOG ADDER'S FORK, BLIND-WORM'S STING, LIZARD'S LEG, AND OWLET'S WING. FOR A CHARM OF POWERFUL TROUBLE, LIKE A HELL-BROTH BOIL AND BABBLE. DOUBLE, DOUBLE, TOIL AND TROUBLE, FIRE BURN, AND CALDRON BUBBLE" WS

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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Glenn Beck's Final Exam Published June 17, 2011 | Glenn Beck

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